Recognising ‘ALL’ Stepmothers/Other Mothers/ Spare mothers/ on Mother’s Day May 12^th

There are over a million of us living in step and blended families Anyone willing to take on the care of another’s child deserves our appreciation and recognition! Step and blended families start off as strangers however with care, patience, persistence, love and lots of time they can go on to build strong, supportive relationships.

Did you know:

Step and blended families are the fastest growing family type in Australia.

Did you know:

That if Bill Shorten becomes our next Prime Minister, it will be the FIRST stepfamily to live in the lodge!

Did you know:

Many families don’t like the word ‘Stepfamily’ and therefore don’t identify as being in a stepfamily. Making these families much more common then we think!

Mother’s Day is just one day of 365 days to recognise and acknowledge the role of all women and all female carers; mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers, guardians, carers in their often unsung and unpaid roles as carers of Australian children. Biology is not the only determinant of family relationships, with contemporary Australian families coming in many different forms, histories and origins. Taking on the care of somebody’s children is always something that deserves our acknowledgement, respect, appreciation and celebration.

The work we do through Stepfamilies Australia (www.stepfamily.org.au) brings us in contact with many stepmothers and every year, as Mother’s Day approaches they ask for advice on how they should behave or the expectations they should have on Mother’s Day?

We say:

• The biological parents need to take the lead. On Mother’s Day or any other day, a child should not be coerced to thank their stepparent. Thanks, and acknowledgement towards all female carers should be encouraged from biological or primary parents
• Keep your expectations real. Stepparents start as strangers, relationships rely on history and shared experiences. The first 5 years are the trickiest time and these relationships are still forming.
• Be patient. Cards and presents are great, but this might take a while and will also depend on the age of the child/children. Children naturally feel guilty, like they are betraying their biological parent by giving cards and gifts to step parents.
• Use lots of communication. Silence breeds assumptions. It is so important to talk about these special days. Bring it up so the children know that its ok to thank their stepmum and also have the language to do so.

Our founder Margaret Howden has written an awesome book “Ossie’s World Upside Down” about a 10 year old boy, Ossie going through the process of being in a stepfamily. It is not only warm and funny but is great as a conversation starter with your children about the unique challenges that step and blended families face. Buy your copy from our website, all profits go towards helping other step and blended families http://stepfamily.org.au/book/ossies-world-upside-down/

Head to our Stepfamilies Australia website www.stepfamily.org.au you can find further information, tips, resources and links to advice and support that promote the best outcomes for children, young people, parents and stepparents.

drummond street services Geelong is excited to be coming down to the Surf Coast in March. We will be running one of our most popular seminars Parenting Children Who Worry.

Worry is a normal emotion but too much can impact your children’s sleep, schooling, peer and family relationships.  Finding good strategies to manage your own anxieties and teaching kids to recognise and understand emotions will help in many aspects of school and family life.

One parent who attended the course said “I was able to take home and use so much from this and doing so has made a huge difference to our family. I believe this course is valuable to all parents, not just those with kids that worry, and I learnt so much to help all of my kids’ emotional wellbeing.”

The seminar will be held at Bellbrae Primary School, 50 School Rd Bellbrae on:

• Seminar: Wednesday 13^th March 2019, 1.30 – 3.30 pm
• Cost $10 per person or free with a HCC. Free for parents at Bellbrae School
• Bookings: Please book online at our website www.ds.org.au under Parenting groups or direct at the school

If cost is an issue, please contact us and fee can be waived.

Contact for media: Frances McAloon Drummond St Services 9663 6733

AUSTRALIAN STEPFAMILIES FACE THEIR MOST CHALLENGING TIME

Helping your Stepfamily over the Holidays – ‘The Survival Guide’

Contemporary Australian families look significantly different to what they did a generation ago.  Step and blended families are our fastest growing family types and face unique difficulties over this so called “most wonderful time of the year”.

“More than a million of us are in stepfamilies, and they can be a truly wonderful, and at  other times very challenging,,” says Stepfamilies Australia Executive Officer, Phoebe Wallish.

Peak organisation STEPFAMILIES AUSTRALIA www.stepfamily.org.au has released a ‘Stepfamily Survival Guide for the Holidays’, along with a useful book appropriate for  the whole family to offer some help to the 1 in 5 of us in step and blended families to positively communicate with one another at this often stressful time of year..

STEPPING UP Tip for less stress in the holiday season:

1. Be realistic with your expectations – It is the season of giving – so ‘give’ a little, accept that it not always possible to please everyone, including yourself! You may have to divide up your holidays or ‘your time’ with the children.  It doesn’t all have to be on the one day, suggest options and be open to later in the week or even in the New Year, make the getting together NOT the day itself count.
2. Spending time rather than money – Presents are good, but children do want happy, fun and calm times with their parents and their families – these are the memories that they store and recall as adults.  Focus on experiences and memories by making the most of your time together.
3. Honour the ‘old’ and Create the ‘new’.  Family traditions are so important! Ensure you keep some traditions from before you blended, as kids hold onto these, but also create new traditions as stepfamily. It is a good opportunity to involve everyone to ‘cherry-pick’ the best of your combined and collective family histories and experiences.
4. Offer time, support and understanding – particularly for stepchildren and stepsiblings, acknowledging at first that they have no shared family histories. Don’t pressure kids to feel or act in certain ways. Make the time special for all whatever it might look like.
5. Remember perfect families don’t exist – Despite manufactured, media images of perfect families – no family (stepfamily or otherwise) is immune from holiday conflicts, divided loyalties, competition. Try to be in the moment and enjoy what you can – All things pass with time – including the good and the bad – knowing this can help.
6. Long-distance parenting can be hard, particularly at this time of year – Make sure you plan ahead and have something positive for yourself to do on the day.  You may not be able to be there with your children but keep communication open and positive – Kids these days use phones to text, email, Facebook, Instagram etc.  It is not the same, but it is the next best thing and you will have something to share when you next see one another.

Stepfamilies Australia’s Book for the Holidays – Ossie’s World Upside Down by Margaret Howden

Stepfamilies Australia’s founder, Margaret Howden has written a wonderful family book “Ossie’s World Upside Down”.  It is about Ossie, a 10 year old boy, adjusting to the changes in his family. It is a warm, funny and affirming read, as well as  great conversation starter for parents to talk with their  children about the dealing with the changes that step and blended families face.

Buy your copy for the holidays at http://stepfamily.org.au/book/ossies-world-upside-down/ (any profits go towards helping other step and blended families)

When things seem all too hard, it is important to reach out, connect and get some advice. It can be the most positive thing you can do for yourself, your children and your relationships.  The Stepfamilies Australia website www.stepfamily.com.au  has some advice and helpful links, as well as connecting with professional support and other stepfamilies through our Facebook page where you can connect with others who understand the ups and downs of stepfamilies. We also have some tips for school holiday activities to help during this time.  https://ds.org.au/boredom-busters-for-the-school-holidays/

Interviews:

For all media enquires please contact Phoebe Wallish on phoebe.wallish@ds.org.au

Some Stepfamilies stats that important to know:

• 76% of homeless teens come from step and sole parent families (Chamberlain and MacKenzie)
• 1 in 5 children and young people will grow up in stepfamilies (survey of family research by Pryor and Rodgers, Children in Changing Families: Life after parental separation, Blackwell, 2001)
• Step mums out number step dads three to one
• One in 3 marriages is now a remarriage and half of stepfamily couples do not marry (ABS)
• Family breakdown costs the community $3 billion per year (Commonwealth Parliament Committee report 1998)
• Stepfamily breakdown rates are twice those of first families – (AIFS research)
• If parents are not coping with relationship breakdown then they don’t parent well, leading to issues for their children including: higher incidence of mental health issues, drug and alcohol abuse, early teen pregnancy and school leaving, homelessness, antisocial behaviour, crime and suicide

How the Victorian political parties stack up to safeguard LGBTIQ Health, Wellbeing and Equality

drummond street services welcomes the opportunity to offer its comments on the Labor, Liberal, and Green’s parties election platforms proposed for the LGBTIQ communities in the lead-up to Victorian State election.

We firstly need to acknowledge and recognise the achievements of the Andrew’s led Labor government and their renewed commitments to build on their investment in infrastructure, capacity building and substantial service investment across a range of LGBTIQ health and wellbeing areas. Therefore, it is critically important that the Liberal State party, if elected, build on rather than dismantle this investment.

Karen Field, CEO, drummond street services – queerspace, says, “both the Labor and Greens parties continue to demonstrate their commitment in using existing evidence to address the real causes of disadvantage, exclusion, discrimination that contribute to poorer health and wellbeing outcomes for many LGBTIQ Victorians and their families and children.”

“As well as their ongoing pledges to implement the urgent legislative reforms that ensure the human rights of LGBTIQ Victorians, including the eradication of legally sanctioned discrimination.”

We are delighted to see both party’s commitment to address in real terms critical issues of LGBTIQ housing and homelessness, mental health, inclusive health care and slated legislative reforms to address discrimination. Labor’s new investment in the much-needed support of families of LGBTIQ people, their housing/homelessness package and ongoing investment in social and health infrastructure that is inclusive of elders, bisexual and multi-gender attracted communities, along with their funding for family violence and mental health services. Commitments and funding to public health policy and programs needs to be commended to any government, and it has been the Andrews Labor government that has put dollars and actions into this commitment. We need all parties to do this.

The Liberal party’s commitment to Health and HIV testing is also welcome. However, we do need to express some concerns on the lightness of the detail in their platform. Without any explicit commitments to new or expanded funding, the health and wellbeing needs of all LGBTIQ Victorians and the existing services, we need those assurances, and we need them NOW.

The lack of detail on funding continuity of social and infrastructure investment or existing LGBTIQ specific services, many established under the Andrew’s government; in areas of housing, homelessness, family violence, mental health, Seniors support, and capacity building for LGBTIQ peer-based LGBTIQ organisation’s is concerning.

We agree with some of their points outlining the dearth of current Australian research investment, and the need to further LGBTIQ specific evidence. As well as the specific and diverse needs of those living regional and rural areas, people with Intersex variations, and our Trans and gender diverse Victorians. We do question the value of a Parliamentary Inquiry as the mechanism to do this. At this time, we need to progress the development of a Victorian LGBTIQ Health and Wellbeing Plan. An action-oriented plan that provides an investment blue print that support the full range of health and wellbeing needs for all LGBTIQ Victorians and their families.

Additionally, this plan would map existing, as well as identify opportunities to target and expand investment to address the diverse and needs of specific groups. It would also ensure the setting of targets, and the mechanisms to measure actual outcomes, reported annually. This ensures public accountability, transparency and important visibility of the issues and needs of the LGBTIQ communities. We also strongly challenge some of the assertions expressed in the Liberal’s statement, which appear to politicise and question the value and achievements of the Gender & Sexuality and Equality Commissioner, and their Branch.

As a LGBTIQ service organisation, deeply embedded within the community, we dispute the framing of the Commissioners role as “vague and nebulous to date”. This is not our experience, nor importantly of many LGBTIQ Victorians. It has been instrumental in coordinating and propelling effort across broad-ranging policy areas and overseeing significant investment in real services and actions. Since the establishment of this role (a first) we have witnessed unprecedented achievement in the building of both needed infrastructure, capacity building and coordinated public health investment in LGBTIQ health and wellbeing. The offering up of an Inquiry and criticism of the Commission diminishes the achievements, as well providing little comfort for LGBTIQ support needs.

“The last 3 years – we have come so far and been through so much – with the politicisation of the LGBTIQ community at the hands of conservative political commentary. It is these impacts we continue to see every day in the increased demand for our queerspace LGBTIQ mental health services. This is not the time to question the merits of the hard-fought existing infrastructure, services and the small but important gains. What is needed now is transparent and authentic commitments and statements to continued investment, accountability and visibility. No dismantling or risks to services but more public health investment towards LGBTIQ health, wellbeing and healing.”

For further media comment or enquiries please contact enquiries@ds.org.au

drummond street services have announced a newly funded family violence service targeting women (including lesbian, gay, bisexual and heterosexual women) and trans and gender diverse people who use violence towards their partners and family members. The service will engage people who use violence to assess complex issues in their lives and identify ways for them to recognise, take responsibility for and change their behaviour.

Karen Field CEO of Drummond Street Services said, “An important way to reduce violence is to understand how it evolves.  Most current services for people who use violence originate from models targeted at heterosexual men to address gendered violence against their heterosexual women partners. Existing research regarding family violence by women or trans and gender diverse people however points to other, or additional complex issues which sit outside gendered frames.”

The service is funded until July 2019 in response to Recommendation 87 of the Royal Commission into Family Violence advising interventions for perpetrators beyond current men’s behaviour change programs.

A key feature of the service will be that victim survivors are engaged and supported when it is appropriate and safe to do so. Separate Therapeutic family violence specialists will work with the victim and the person using violence via face to face and digital platforms. A lead Family Violence practitioner will oversee the work of these two Therapeutic family violence specialists to provide a clearer picture of risk and changes in circumstances which may increase danger for the victim. This work can occur at separate locations to ensure victim safety.

“Our experience working with women and gender diverse people who use violence, has shown many have histories of trauma such as childhood sexual abuse, ongoing experiences of victimisation, mental ill health, alcohol and drug misuse and discrimination. We will evaluate and review our service against current available research to gain further insight into violence by women and trans and gender diverse people”, said Karen Field. “Our three agencies are very pleased to have this opportunity to fill a significant gap and increase shared knowledge about family violence beyond dominant gendered contexts”.

Step and blended families are the fastest growing family type with 1 in 4 families now spending some time in a step or blended family.  This Mother’s Day will be a very different experience for the 40,000+ women around the country who are step mums involved in raising other people’s children and make extraordinary sacrifices every day in doing so. 

Step mothers out number stepfathers 3-fold and are not the stereotypical wicked, evil mothers that constantly gets played out in our fairy tales and media.  They are capable, resilient, supportive and above all loving even when at times they are challenged in the most complex of ways.  They accept all the perils of the job daily and for that we need to acknowledge, give thanks and appreciation especially on May 13^th this Mother’s Day.

A child should not be coerced to thank their stepparent on Mother’s Day. However, encouragement from their biological or primary parents to offer some thanks and acknowledgement of their mothers, stepmothers or any women in a caring role this Sunday 13^th May.  This could be:

• Writing a card
• Sending a text/ GIF
• Sending a small video through a private message
• Reaching out on social media
• Meeting up for tea/lunch
• Giving some flowers etc.

Taking on the care of somebody’s children is always something that deserves our acknowledgement, respect and appreciation

At the Stepfamilies Australia website www.stepfamily.org.au you can find further information for tips, resources and links to advice and support that promote the best outcomes for children, young people, parents and stepparents.

We have also just release a brand new, early readers book written by the founder of Stepfamilies Australia, for children 8 to 13 years (but can be read by the whole family) “Ossie’s world upside down” highlights the stepfamily journey through the eyes of a 10 year old boy. 

#thanksstepmum #stepmumsrock #supermum

For all media enquiries– contact Phoebe Wallish, Executive Officer Stepfamilies Australia on 0411484879

As of March 1^st, we are now at 337 Ryrie St Geelong, co-located with other health and allied support services.

This year drummond street services celebrates 130 years of providing services to families and children, and proudly 6 years to families and children in the Greater City of Geelong and Bellarine.

Our skilled and experienced family therapist, social worker and counselor see families in their homes, classroom, in the community and at the Ryrie Street premises.  Our support services are free and voluntary.

Our health and wellbeing approach is to support families to respond to the real life ups and downs, to get in early with support for their child and young people to ensure the best possible lives despite, at times, what life can throw at us.

We support families with new babies, kids with their worries about school, young people with concerns about friendships, study or their emotional health, stressed parents, and life changes for relationships and financial pressures that impact on our lives at any stage and can affect the mental health and wellbeing of children.

As well as individual support for families and children, we run information sessions for parents in the community and at schools.  It provides a great way for parents to grab information or support that fits in with their busy lives.

Parents who have attended our Parenting Kids Who Worry Too Much groups have said: “This group is valuable to all parents and not just those with kids who worry. I learnt so much to help all of my kid’s emotional wellbeing”.   A local Geelong dad told us “It’s not so much about the why of kid’s behaviour but the what I can do to understand and help”.

Come along to our next seminar and group on Parenting Children Who Worry, from 17^th May in Corio. We will also be at Geelong’s Big Play Day 27^th March at GMHBA stadium. This will be lots of fun for kids. Come and chat to us there.

Or call us for individual support

• Our Phone: Referrals are through Head Office on Phone 9663 6733 or 9663 6734
• Online: Register for service online at  https://ds.org.au/our-services/family-relationships-parenting/
• Our Website:      www.ds.org.au
• Enquiries Email: enquiries@ds.org.au

For all media please contact Frances McAloon 0407 225 549.

“After struggling for so many years, we are going to continue to struggle, we must continue our struggle, till we win our objectives” – William Cooper

January 26^th means different things to different people. For some, it is a day to celebrate the anniversary of the British’s arrival to the continent.  For many First Nation Peoples (and others) it is acknowledged as a Day of Mourning or Invasion or Survival Day.

drummond street services as a community-based organisation committed to promoting wellbeing for life, supports the current calls and efforts of First Nations people’s and their allies for change. If the intent of “Australia Day” is truly about celebrating our nation and what it means to be Australian, this includes reflecting on our past, present and our future, it no longer should be on a day steeped in harm and grief for the traditional owners and custodians of this land.

For many First Nations people “Australia Day” and the First Fleet’s arrival on January 26 is deeply painful. The framing of this day as the only day of historical value for the whole community to come together is not only harmful, but it also denies the reality of what this day in 1788 meant for the original custodians of this land;  the colonisation, dispossession and genocide of First Nation people.

This recognises the actions of William Cooper, a Yorta Yorta man who later made Footscray his home. Mr. Cooper, Mr. Arthur Berdue, Ms. Margaret Tucker, and Cooper’s nephew, Nicholls Victorian representing the Australian Aborigines League along with William Ferguson from the Aborigines Progressive Association of New South Wales enacted plans to protest Australia Day with public “commemorate(ions) of the sesquicentenary of the European invasion of Australia”. Mr. Cooper and the work of these Elders has inspired generations of activists seeking justice for First Nations People (See more information here and here).

Instead of calling First Nation people divisive for wanting change we should do something else. We can stop, listen and consider:

• Why is Australia the only Commonwealth country to not have a treaty with its indigenous peoples?
• Is the current way to acknowledge the Australian nation is inclusive?
• Does it accurately acknowledge the histories and experiences of First Nation peoples?
• Can we celebrate when many First Nation peoples feel there is little to celebrate?

We should acknowledge that for over 230 years the First Nation people survive despite:

• Remaining the most incarcerated people in the world
• Continued disproportionate number of deaths in custody
• Higher rates of children removed from their families and communities than occurred during the Stolen Generation
• Sustained forcible dispossession of from their land due to forced closures.
• Higher rates of suicide, mental illness etc.

In 2017 the Uluru Statement from the Heart was made after extensive consultations with First Nations people across Australia. It is time to listen, to hear and to act on what First Nations people are asking. There needs to be wide community support efforts for Treaties (Victorian and nationally) in line with the Makarrata (Yolngu for ‘coming together after a struggle’ it is about conflict resolution, peacemaking and justice).

Let’s support First Nations people’s efforts for representative body that constitutes an Indigenous “Voice to Parliament” at the Federal level. The Referendum Council sought this in late 2017 (see here) .This is vital to their and our Nation’s health, wellbeing, and sovereignty and healing. This is what a ‘fair go’ and ‘advancement’ and wellbeing really means. We know this in our work with individuals, young people, children, families and communities, of the importance of addressing the social determinants of health and wellbeing.  This includes actions at all levels that addresses the fair and equitable access to resources, empowerment, agency and choices, as well as speaking out against racism and discrimination.

Australia as nation could make greater efforts as part of powerful, symbolic and structural steps towards transforming our relationships. Building on formal and everyday recognition and acknowledgment of the historical harms perpetrated and that continue today.

From little things big things grow. There are practical actions that can be done to demonstrate our support and solidarity with First Nations people – including at this time, including:

• Supporting preparations for the Invasion Day protest by attending activities, or attending fundraising performances across Melbourne (see here)
• Making a financial contribution and/or provide financial resources for First Nation people’s own efforts for sovereignty and resistance
• Attending the Invasion Day/Day of Mourning protest organised by Warriors of Aboriginal Resistance (WAR)  State Parliament steps, Spring St, Naarm-Melbourne at 11 am (see more here) https://www.facebook.com/WARcollective/
• Participate in the Balit Narrun Festival in Treasury Gardens after the march
• Increase awareness about the history of colonisation and the ongoing efforts of First Nations people to end colonisation
• Support efforts for Treaties (Victorian and nationally) in line with the Makarrata (Yolngu for ‘coming together after a struggle’)
• Support efforts for representative body that constitutes an Indigenous “Voice to Parliament” at the Federal level as sought by the Referendum Council in late 2017 (see here)
• Continue our collective efforts to strengthen our approaches for culturally responsive and inclusive practices, examples include AASW, Youth Workers

#ChangeTheDate

#abolishaustraliaday
#invasionday2018
#Invasionday
#keepthefireburning
#alwayswasalwayswillbe
#aboriginalland

drummond street services